The Lighter Side of Human Nature:
Have You Met an Honest Fisherman?
Researched and Compiled by Dr Abe V Rotor
FISHERMAN: “I tell you it was THAT long! I never saw such a fish.”
FRIEND: “I believe you.”
“A woman who has never seen her husband fishing doesn’t know what a patient man she has married.”
“The reason some fish get so big is because they’re the ones that always get away.”
“How far a fisherman will stretch the truth depends on the length of his arms.”
Fisherman’s Lament: “A three-pound pull, and a five-pound bite, an eighth-pound jump, and a ten-pound fight; a twelve-pound bend to your pole – but alas! When you get him aboard, he’s a half-pound bass!”
A fellow in a lunatic asylum sat fishing over a flower bed. A visiting doctor, wishing to be friendly asked: “How many have you caught?”
Answered the not-so-dumbed fisherman, “You’re the ninth.”
“There is no use in walking five miles to fish when you can depend on being just as unsuccessful near home.” – Mark Twain
WIFE (cleaning fish in sink) TO HUSBAND: “Why can’t you be like other men and not catch anything?”
“No man has ever caught a fish as big as the one that got away.”
“Been fishing, haven’t you? Catch Anything?”
“Yes, indeed, caught the 8:30 there and the 6:10 back. Got caught in a storm, caught cold; and boy, will I catch it when I get home.”
Truth: “When one fisherman calls another fisherman a liar.”
“How long a fish grows depends on how long you listen to the fisherman.”
“Our ideal summer resort is one where fish bite and mosquitoes don’t.”
“Nothing grows faster than a fish from the time he bites until he gets away.”
“No honest man is a successful fisherman.”
“Many fishermen catch their fish by the tale.”
It doesn’t take much for a girl to hook a fellow – he generally supplies the line.”
The two best times to fish are “right before you get there; and right after you leave.”
Saint Peter stopped a man who knocked at the Gates of Heaven. You have told so many lies to get in here,” said the Keeper of the Keys.
“Have a heart, Saint Peter,” said the new arrival.
FRIEND: “I believe you.”
“A woman who has never seen her husband fishing doesn’t know what a patient man she has married.”
“The reason some fish get so big is because they’re the ones that always get away.”
“How far a fisherman will stretch the truth depends on the length of his arms.”
Fisherman’s Lament: “A three-pound pull, and a five-pound bite, an eighth-pound jump, and a ten-pound fight; a twelve-pound bend to your pole – but alas! When you get him aboard, he’s a half-pound bass!”
A fellow in a lunatic asylum sat fishing over a flower bed. A visiting doctor, wishing to be friendly asked: “How many have you caught?”
Answered the not-so-dumbed fisherman, “You’re the ninth.”
“There is no use in walking five miles to fish when you can depend on being just as unsuccessful near home.” – Mark Twain
WIFE (cleaning fish in sink) TO HUSBAND: “Why can’t you be like other men and not catch anything?”
“No man has ever caught a fish as big as the one that got away.”
“Been fishing, haven’t you? Catch Anything?”
“Yes, indeed, caught the 8:30 there and the 6:10 back. Got caught in a storm, caught cold; and boy, will I catch it when I get home.”
Truth: “When one fisherman calls another fisherman a liar.”
“How long a fish grows depends on how long you listen to the fisherman.”
“Our ideal summer resort is one where fish bite and mosquitoes don’t.”
“Nothing grows faster than a fish from the time he bites until he gets away.”
“No honest man is a successful fisherman.”
“Many fishermen catch their fish by the tale.”
It doesn’t take much for a girl to hook a fellow – he generally supplies the line.”
The two best times to fish are “right before you get there; and right after you leave.”
Saint Peter stopped a man who knocked at the Gates of Heaven. You have told so many lies to get in here,” said the Keeper of the Keys.
“Have a heart, Saint Peter,” said the new arrival.
The ability to sin differs among people,” says one of our friends. “For example, s short-armed fisherman isn’t as big a liar as a long-armed one.”
Author (right) in his younger years
as amateur fisherman, with local guide.
We’d had no bites in an entire evening of fishing. As darkness fell and we pulled towards the shore we passed a couple in another rowboat.
“Did you have any luck?” we called.
“No,” said the young man gloomily.
“What kind of bait were you using?”
For a moment the young man was silent. Then he said:
“No,” said the young man gloomily.
“What kind of bait were you using?”
For a moment the young man was silent. Then he said:
“I wasn’t fishing.”~
References: Speaker’s Encyclopedia of Humor (Stories, Quotes, Definitions, and Toasts for
Every Situation) By Jacob M Braude, Prentice-Hall, NY 1961; Jokes, Quotes and
One-Liners for Public Speakers, by HV Prochnow and HV
Prochnow, Jr 1983
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