Human Nature in Action and Imagination
20 Witty Conversational Quips
“Life is like a grindstone; whether it grinds you down or polishes you up depends on what you're made of.”― Jacob M. Braude
Researched and Organized by Dr Abe V Rotor
"Will you marry me when my hair turns to gray?"
"Why not? Haven't I stuck with you through brown, black, red, blond and purple?"
2.
"If you had your life to live over, do you think you'd make the same mistakes again?
"Certainly, but I'd start earlier."3.
"Were you excited the first time you asked your husband for money?"
"Oh, no. I was calm - and collected."
4.
"Why do you want to work in a dynamite factory?"
"I want to make myself quit smoking."
5.
"Darling, if I had to do it all over again, I'd marry you."
"That's what you think."
6.
"A letter came for you today marked 'private and personal'."
"What did it say?"
7.
"What tense is, 'I am beautiful?'"
"Past tense."
"Drinking makes you beautiful."
"But I haven't been drinking.:
"I have."
9.
"I had an awful nightmare last night."
"Yes, I saw you with her."
10.
"No, you can't wear your hair like Elvis Priestley."
"But dad, you wear yours like Yul Brynner."
11.
"What do you want?"
"Would you be so kind as to help a poor unfortunate fellow who is hungry and out of work? All I have in the world is this gun!"
12.
"Mama, is it true that we came from dust and will return to dust?"
"Yes, dear. This is what the Bible teaches us. "Why?"
"Well, I just looked under the bed, and there's somebody there, either coming or going."
13.
"You're wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger."
"I know... I married the wrong man."
14.
"I sentence you to three years of hard labor."
"The joke is on you judge, because my doctor gives me only three months to live."
15.
"Darling, I'm ruined. I lost my job. I'm bankrupt. I haven't a cent."
"Don't worry sweetheart. I'll always love you - even if I never see you again."
16.
"Since pro means opposite of con, can you give me an illustration of each?"
"Progress and Congress."
17.
"What are you laughing at, you rascal?"
"Because you're whipping the wrong boy."
18.
"Jimmy, will you tell the class why you object to war?"
"Because wars make history."
"How old were you on your last birthday?"
"Seven, ma'am."
"How old will you be on your next birthday?"
"Nine, ma'am,."
"Nonsense. If you were seven on your last birthday, how can you be nine
on your next birthday?"
"I'm eight today."
20.
"Why did you park your car there?"
"The sign said, Fine for Parking."
ASSIGNMENT: Add to this list more witty quips. Create your own visual presentation of each item, in photo, sketch, choreograph, and the like, as project or workshop theme in your school and community.
Acknowledgement with gratitude to Dr Jacob M Braude, author of a series of encyclopedia on humor, anecdotes, quotations, stories, notably Speaker's Encyclopedia of Humor, Prentice Hall Inc NY 1961. Internet images.