Wit-and-Humor - Key to effective public speaking and conversation

Wit-and-Humor

- Key to effective public speaking and conversation

Researched and organized by Dr Abe V Rotor 

1. SLEEP WALKING
The story is told about a man who walked out while the priest was delivering his homily.  So, as not to offend the priest, the wife approached him after the mass and apologized for her husband's behavior.

"Sorry, Father.  Please forgive my husband."  Just as the priest was about to say, "It's all right," she went on to add, "You see, Father, my husband has the habit of walking in his sleep." 

2. ON SPELLING
People are laughing yet over an incident which occurred at a Parents Teachers Association meeting.  Five little first graders marched out onto the stage to welcome everyone, each child carrying a large cardboard letter to spell out the word 
"H-E-L-L-O".

All took their correct positions except the little lad who carried the letter "O." He had forgotten where to stand. He paused a few moments at the rear of the stage, much to the amusement of the audience, but he really brought down the house when he finally decided he belonged at the head of the group! 

 3. STATISTICS
"What are the chances of my recovering, doctor?"

"One hundred percent.  Medical records show that nine out of ten die of the disease you have.  Fours is the tenth case I treated.  The other all died.  So you see you are bound to get well. Statistics are statistics."

4. NO PROGRESS
Psychiatrist: "I want to congratulate you on the progress you've been making."
Patient: "Progress?  Six months ago I was Napoleon.  Today, I'm nobody. You call that progress?"

5. WITTY QUIPS

• " I am a slow walker," said Abraham Lincoln, "but I don't walk back." (PHOTO)
  

• A woman once asked Thomas A Edison to write a motto for her son.  And Edison wrote: "Don't look at the clock!"

• Victor Borge, pianist and comedian announced at the close of  TV show: "I wish to thank my mother and father who made this show possible, and my five children who made it necessary."

• Voltaire was more than witty when he said: "To forgive our enemies their virtues - that is a greater miracle."

• An Athenian, who was lame in one foot, was laughed at by the soldiers on account of his lameness. "I am here to fight," said he, "not to run."

• A small boy had been told that we are here in  the world to help others. "What are the others here for?" he asked.

References: Speaker's Encyclopedia of Humor by Jacob M Braude; Anecdotes of the Great;  Happy Moments by Fr Jerry M Orbos, SVD