Perk up your life with Wit and Humor

Perk up your life with Wit and Humor
Researched and organized by Dr Abe V Rotor

A little girl approached a great concert violinist after his performance as he was leaving the concert hall and asked him for an autograph.
“I’m sorry,” said the maestro, “but my hands are so very tired from playing.”
“My hands are tired, too,” said the little girl, “and they’re tired from applauding.”

The police sent out pictures of an escaped convict in six different poses. A constable sent the following wire: “Have captured five of them and on trail of the sixth.”

FISHERMAN: "I tell you it was THAT long!  I never saw such a fish."
FRIEND: "I believe you."  

Saint Peter stopped a man who knocked at the Gates of Heaven.
“You have told many lies to get in here,” said the Keeper of the Keys.
“Have a heart, Saint Peter,” said the new arrival. “You were a fisherman once yourself.”

HE: “What was the name of the hotel we stopped at in Detriot?”
SHE: “Wait, I’ll look through my towels.”

WIFE: “A letter came for you today marked ‘private and personal.’”
HUSBAND: “What did it say?”

Her husband can always find the liquor, no matter where his wife hides it. He has a fifth sense.

ANGRY WIFE: “What would you men have today if woman had never been created?”
PLACID HUSBAND: “One more rib.”

You should file your income tax, not chisel it. (Or cut it.)

“What do you mean, you have nothing to live for?” a wife asked her despondent husband. “The house isn’t paid for, the car isn’t paid for, the TV isn’t paid for…”

A father was telling a neighbor how he stopped his son from being late to high school. “I bought him a car,” he said.
“How did that stop him from being late?” the neighbor asked.
“Why, he’s got to get there early to find a parking place.”

Two little girls were in danger of being late for school.

“Let’s stop and pray for God to get us there on time,” said one.
“No, better than that,” said the other, “let’s run with all our might, and pray while we’re running.”

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Acknowledgement with gratitude: Speaker's Encyclopedia of Humor by Jacob M Braude Prentice-Hill; Internet cartoon images