Sunday, December 14, 2014

Christmas Stories, Events, Jokes & Quotes

Christmas Stories, Events, Jokes & Quotes
Selected and compiled by Dr Abe V Rotor
Living with Nature School on Blog
Paaralang Bayan sa Himpapawid (People's School-on-Air) with Ms Melly C Tenorio
738 DZRB AM Band, 8 to 9 evening class Monday to Friday

 The small girl had spent the morning watching her mother do her Christmas shopping.  Finally, she found herself in a big chair beside the department-store Santa Claus, tell him her wishes.  "... and a big doll and a doll buggy and a doll house ..."  she finished the long list.  Then sliding from the chair and walking away, she suddenly turned back a pace, and called, "And charge it, Santa Claus!"
x x x x
CONDUCTOR: "You know darn well the distance between Chicago and Cleveland is the same as from Cleveland to Chicago. Any damn foo knows that."

PASSENGER: "I dunno; it is just a week from Christmas to New Year, but is it a week from New Year the Christmas?" 
x x x x 
A youngster walked into a bank the other day to open an account with $1000.  The bank's vice president gave him a benign smile and asked how he had accumulated so much money.

"Selling Christmas card," said the lad.

"Well, you've done very well.  Sold them to lots of people, obviously."

"Nope," answered the little boy proudly.  "I sold all of them to one large family - their dog bit me."
x x x x
A mother took her five year old son to a mall to say, "Hello" to Santa Claus, who in turn, asked. "What would you like for Christmas, sonny?" 

"A bicycle, a football, and a pair of skates." the youngster replied promptly.

"I'll certainly try to see that you get them," said Santa. 

Later, the mother and son visited another mall and stopped to see Santa there.  Again the same question and the same answer, but Santa asked, "And are you going to be a good boy?"
x x x x

A little girl about five received a box of crayons for Christmas and made a great many pictures.

"What is this one?" her mother asked.

"That's  Baby Jesus on the manger."

A little to one side were three vertical lines - the wise men perhaps, or the shepherds.  The mother inquired what they were.

"Mary and Joseph are going out for the night." the child explained, "and that's the sitters coming in."  

x x x x
Here it is the middle of January and we're still cleaning up from Christmas.  Last week we cleaned out our checking account; this week we cleaned out our savings account. 

x x x x

What do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus.
What is the popular Christmas carol in Desert? Camel ye Faithful.
What part of the body do you only see during Christmas? Mistletoe.
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.

 x x x x
If you want to be reminded of Christmas all year, buy your Christmas gifts on monthly payment plan. 

x x x x 
May the forgiving spirit of Him to whom we dedicate this season prevail again on earth.

May hateful persecution and wanton aggression cease.

May man live in freedom and security, worshiping as he sees fit, loving his fellow man.

May peace, everlasting peace, reign supreme.

Unusual Historical Events That Happened During Christmas

  1. Christmas Day, 1990, The Internet Gets Its First Test Run
  2. Washington Crosses the Delaware River in 1776
  3. WWI Christmas Truce Soccer Games
  4. USSR Invades Afghanistan in 1979
  5. Isaac Newton Was Born on Christmas Day
  6. Charlie Chaplin Passes Away
  7. Apollo 8 Reaches the Moon’s Orbit
  8. Mikhail Gorbachev Resigns as Soviet President
  9. The Song ‘Silent Night’ Is First Performed in Public
  10. President Andrew Johnson Pardons All Confederate Soldiers
  11. Charlemagne Crowned Holy Roman Emperor, year 800.
  12. William the Conqueror Crowned King of England, 1066
  13. World War I Soldiers Hold Christmas Truce 1914
  14. Andrew Johnson Pardons All Confederate Soldiers, 1868
  15. Hirohito Becomes Emperor of Japan, 1926
  16. President Nicolae and Elena Ceausescu of Romania Executed, 1989 
  17. Ford Model T Unveiled, 1913
  18. John Adams and Thomas Jefferson, former presidents of the US, Die, 1826

References" JM Braude, Speaker's Encyclopedia of Humor; Prochnow HY and HV Prochnow Jr, Jokes, Quotes and One-liners for Public Speakers; Wikipedia; Internet

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