Cheer Up, It's Christmas!
Original Title: Christmas Stories, Events, Jokes & Quotes
Selected and compiled by Dr Abe V Rotor
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x x x x
CONDUCTOR: "You know darn well the distance between Chicago and Cleveland is the same as from Cleveland to Chicago. Any damn foo knows that."PASSENGER: "I dunno; it is just a week from Christmas to New Year, but is it a week from New Year to Christmas?"
x x x x
A youngster walked into a bank the other day to open an account with $1000. The bank's vice president gave him a benign smile and asked how he had accumulated so much money.
"Selling Christmas card," said the lad.
"Well, you've done very well. Sold them to lots of people, obviously."
"Nope," answered the little boy proudly. "I sold all of them to one large family - their dog bit me."
x x x x
A mother took her five year old son to a mall to say, "Hello" to Santa Claus, who in turn, asked. "What would you like for Christmas, sonny?"
"A bicycle, a football, and a pair of skates." the youngster replied promptly.
"I'll certainly try to see that you get them," said Santa.
Later, the mother and son visited another mall and stopped to see Santa there. Again the same question and the same answer, but Santa asked, "And are you going to be a good boy?"
x x x x
A little girl about five received a box of crayons for Christmas and made a great many pictures.
"What is this one?" her mother asked.
"That's Baby Jesus on the manger."
A little to one side were three vertical lines - the wise men perhaps, or the shepherds. The mother inquired what they were.
"Mary and Joseph are going out for the night." the child explained, "and that's the sitters coming in."
x x x x
Here it is the middle of January and we're still cleaning up from Christmas. Last week we cleaned out our checking account; this week we cleaned out our savings account.
x x x x
What do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus.
What is the popular Christmas carol in Desert? Camel ye Faithful.
What part of the body do you only see during Christmas? Mistletoe.
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.
x x x x
If you want to be reminded of Christmas all year, buy your Christmas gifts on monthly payment plan.
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x x x x May the forgiving spirit of Him to whom we dedicate this season prevail again on earth.
May hateful persecution and wanton aggression cease.
May man live in freedom and security, worshiping as he sees fit, loving his fellow man.
May peace, everlasting peace, reign supreme.
Unusual Historical Events That Happened During Christmas
- Christmas Day, 1990, The Internet Gets Its First Test Run
- Washington Crosses the Delaware River in 1776
- WWI Christmas Truce Soccer Games
- USSR Invades Afghanistan in 1979
- Isaac Newton Was Born on Christmas Day
- Charlie Chaplin Passes Away
- Apollo 8 Reaches the Moon’s Orbit
- Mikhail Gorbachev Resigns as Soviet President
- The Song ‘Silent Night’ Is First Performed in Public
- President Andrew Johnson Pardons All Confederate Soldiers
- Charlemagne Crowned Holy Roman Emperor, year 800.
- William the Conqueror Crowned King of England, 1066
- World War I Soldiers Hold Christmas Truce 1914
- Andrew Johnson Pardons All Confederate Soldiers, 1868
- Hirohito Becomes Emperor of Japan, 1926
- President Nicolae and Elena Ceausescu of Romania Executed, 1989
- Ford Model T Unveiled, 1913
- John Adams and Thomas Jefferson, former presidents of the US, Die, 1826
Addenda
20th December, 1803
The United States doubled in size after acquiring 827,000 square miles of land from France for $15 million in what was known as The Louisiana Purchase.
The Louisiana Territory stretched from the Canadian border in the north to the Gulf of Mexico in the south; and from the Mississippi River in the east to the Rocky Mountains in the west.
Fifteen American states were eventually created from The Louisiana Purchase and the deal is considered one of the most important achievements of Thomas Jefferson’s presidency.
21st December, 1968
Apollo 8, the first manned mission to the moon, was successfully launched from Cape Canaveral, Florida, with astronauts James Lovell, Frank Borman, and William Anders on board.
A few days later, on Christmas Eve, the crew entered into orbit around the moon – making history as the first manned spacecraft to do so. During Apollo 8’s 10 orbits around the moon, incredible images were taken of the moon and Earth from the spacecraft and sent back home.
References" JM Braude, Speaker's Encyclopedia of Humor; Prochnow HY and HV Prochnow Jr, Jokes, Quotes and One-liners for Public Speakers; Wikipedia; Internet20th December, 1803
The United States doubled in size after acquiring 827,000 square miles of land from France for $15 million in what was known as The Louisiana Purchase.
The Louisiana Territory stretched from the Canadian border in the north to the Gulf of Mexico in the south; and from the Mississippi River in the east to the Rocky Mountains in the west.
Fifteen American states were eventually created from The Louisiana Purchase and the deal is considered one of the most important achievements of Thomas Jefferson’s presidency.
Apollo 8, the first manned mission to the moon, was successfully launched from Cape Canaveral, Florida, with astronauts James Lovell, Frank Borman, and William Anders on board.
Apollo 8 landed safely in the Pacific Ocean on 27th December. On 20th July 1969, Neil A. Armstrong and Edwin Aldrin, astronauts of Apollo 11, became the first men to walk on the moon.
"Chandeliers of Capiz above my head,I'm under the sea it seems;among mermaids and corals for bed,bathe in the glow of moonbeams."
- A.V. Rotor
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