Wit and Humor. The lighter side of Human Nature

            Wit and Humor - the Lighter Side of Human Nature                              Researched by Dr Abe V Rotor

 1. A grade-school student was having trouble with punctuation. "Never mind, sonny," said the visiting school board president, consolingly. "It's foolish to bother about commas; they don't amount too much, anyway." "Elizabeth Ann," said the teacher, "please write this sentence on the board: "The president of the board says the teacher is misinformed." "Now," she continued, "put a comma after the board and another after teacher."

2. A young woman boarded a crowded bus. A tired little man got up and gave her his seat. There was a moment of silence. "I beg your pardon?" said the tired man. "I didn't say anything," replied the young woman. "I'm sorry," said the man. "I thought you said 'Thank you.'"

3. An American engineer returned recently from a mission to the Soviet Union. The Russians, he reported, were fascinated by the Americans' use of the expression OK. " But what is this Okie-Dokie? one Russian asked him. Before he could answer, another Russian interrupted with, "Don't be a dope. It's the feminine of OK.

4. Here's a story about smart kids. "I wonder why people say Amen and not Awomen?" Bobby questioned. His little friend replied, "Because they sing hymns and not hers, silly."

5. "I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years." - Rudy Giuliani

6. "There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage." - Michael Jordan

7. It often happens that I wake at night and begin to think about a serious problem and decide I must tell the Pope about it. Then I wake up completely and remember that I am the Pope. (Pope John Paul XXIII)

8. A shapely young girl had just married a man of wealth who was more than twice her age.

"I don't believe in these May and December marriages," declared a critical friend.

"Why not?" asked the bride.

"Well, said the friend.  "December is going to find in May the youth, beauty and freshness of spring, but what is May going to find in December?"

The bride's logical answer was, "Santa Claus."

9. “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.”—Benjamin Franklin

10.  A three-pound pull, and a five-pound bite; an eight-pound jump, and a ten-pound fight; a twelve-pound bend to your pole - but alas!  When you got him aboard he's a half-pound bass.  

FISHERMAN: "I tell you it was THAT long!  I never saw such a fish."
FRIEND: "I believe you."   ~