Wit is the key to a good joke

 Wit is the key to a good joke 

Researched by Dr Abe V Rotor

1. A Fisherman's Lament
A three-pound pull, and a five-pound bite; an eight-pound jump, and a ten-pound fight; a twelve-pound bend to your pole - but alas!  When you got him aboard he's a half-pound bass.  

FISHERMAN: "I tell you it was THAT long!  I never saw such a fish."
FRIEND: "I believe you."

2. Big Fish Caught
A fellow in a lunatic asylum sat fishing over a flower bed.  A visiting doctor, wishing to be friendly asked.

"How many have you caught?" 

Answered the not-so-dumb fisherman, "You are the ninth."

3. Statistics

 "What are the chances of my recovering, doctor?" 

"One hundred per cent.  Medical records show that nine out of ten die of the disease which you have, Yours in the tenth case I've treated. The others all died.  So you see, you're bound to get well.  Statistics are statistics."

4. Romance
A shapely young girl had just married a man of wealth who was more than twice her age.

"I don't believe in these May and December marriages," declared a critical friend.

"Why not?" asked the bride.

"Well, said the friend.  "December is going to find in May the youth, beauty and freshness of spring, but what is May going to find in December?"

The bride's logical answer was, "Santa Claus."

5. Importance of Punctuation
A grade school student was having trouble with punctuation.  

"Never mind, Sonny," said the visiting school board president, consolingly. "It's foolish to bother about commas; they don't amount too much, anyway." 

"Elizabeth Ann," said the teacher. "Please write this sentence on the board: The president of the board says the teacher is misinformed." 

"Now," she continued, "put a comma after the board, and another after teacher."

6. Maximum Punishment
A judge in sentencing a criminal recently said, "I am giving you the maximum punishment - I am letting you go free to worry about taxes, inflation, and everything else, just like the rest of us."

7.  Age
The young co-ed brought a friend home from college, an extremely attractive curvaceous honey-blonde. 

Introducing her friend to her grandfather, the girl added: "And just think, Beverly, he's in his nineties.

"Early nineties, that is," the old gent added. ~