Sunday, June 15, 2014

The Lighter Side of Life - Slip of the Tongue

Dr Abe V Rotor 
Living with Nature School on Blog 
Paaralang Bayan sa Himpapawid (People's School-on-Air) with Ms Melly C Tenorio
738 DZRB AM Band, 8 to 9 evening class, Monday to Friday                                             
Dolphy, Philippine legend in comedy


Charlie Chaplin, pioneer in cinema comedy
  • Chairs! I mean Cheers!
  • How are you to die? You mean, How are you today?
  • How do I love three, let me count the ways. (From a favorite English poem by Robert Browning). You mean thee. Wrong spelling may be fatal.
  • It was raining cats and dogs, and there were poodles in the road. Puddles, you mean.
  • Joseph, the Dreamer came all the way from Canada. Canaan, you mean.
  • "Name two pronouns." Inattentive student: Who? Me?
  • Genetics: Cross an elephant with a fish. Swimming trunk. HehHeh!
  • What are your parents' name? "Papa and Mama." Baby talk.
  • A quorum is a place to keep fish in. You mean aquarium.
  • Elizabeth Aye, Aye Aye! You mean, Elizabeth III.
  • Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. Of course not; it was hemlock, a poisonous plant. Respect the fodder of philosophy. Again, please - father.
  • In mathematics, Persia gave the dismal point. It would be dismal indeed without the decimal point.
  • William Tell invented the telephone. Of course, not. It was Graham Bell. And the bell was invented long before him.
  • Home wasn't built in a day. So with Greece.
  • "Here lies my captain, fallen cold and deed." You may perfect in reciting "Oh, Captain! My Captain!" yet fail to get the audience accolyte just for one mispronounced word. Accolade, sorry.
  • A good reader should not rob the people who erected him. (A Japanese commenting on leadership).
  • "Ako'y palopalo, burakrak naman ako." Chinese and Japanese mixed up in singing a popular Philippine song. [I am a butterfly (paroparo); and I am a flower bulaklak)]
  • All about corn: Mais (mother corn), corny (baby corn), pop corn (father corn), maestra (teacher corn)
  • Spouse is not the singular of spice, but mouse is to mice. Child – children; chicken-chickens. Queer English.
  • Capillary is a little caterpillar. Parasite is a kind of umbrella. Collective noun – garbage can
  • I liquidate you from all blame. The marriage was illegible. She dresses very auspicious. She is related to me by animosity.
  • Who likes history? Do you have a copy of “Caesar’s Garlic Wars?” Louis XVI was gelatined. (Gaelic, guillotined). Feminine of history – herstory. Women’s Lib!
  • An enthusiastic chef to customers: “Try our new menu. It is a real threat.”
  • “I hope I don’t protrude.” A fellow who knows little English was apologetic on learning only ladies were invited to a party. He is, but the right world is intrude.
  • A minister wanted to sell six second-hand organs which had just arrived from Germany in order to raise fund for his church. So during the homily he announced, “I have sex organs. They are slightly used…” He didn’t sell any.
  • Elderly teacher: "Pedro, I am beautiful - what is the tense." Looking at his teacher innocently, "Past tense, ma'am."
  • "Spell egg." "E-egg-egg."  Necktie? N-e-c-ki-ti-hi-he  Elephant?  "e as in elephant, el as in elephant, e as in elephant again, .... I forgot ma'am"
  • "Chemical formula of water?" "H2O, ma'am." Teacher to inattentive pupil: "What is H2O?"  "HIJKLMO, ma'am."  
  • Psychologist: "Please tell me, it looks like you depressed?"  Patient: "No Doctor, I am the priest."
  • And here are some overused double bladed words. noisepapertongressmandemocrazy "Government off the people, buy the people and poor the people."
References: Living with Nature 3, AVRJokes, Quotes and One-Liners for Public Speakers, Prochnow HV and HV Prochnow Jr, 1897, 1931

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